The friends I lost.
Yesterday I took a walk down the memory lane and I was surprised to see the number of people that simply disappeared along the way. They have no idea what’s going on in my life. And sadly, I have no idea what’s going on in theirs.
The very friends I shared everything with, the ones I once called my ‘BFF’, now merely occupy space in my contact list. I never thought I would see this day but I guess that’s inevitable, that’s life, that’s growing up.
Someone once said- we don’t lose friends, we simply understand who the real ones are.
But the fact is sometimes we simply lose friends due to lack of effort. ‘She doesn’t call me, so why should I call her? So what if I miss her?’, ‘She has better friends now, she doesn’t need me.’, ‘He’s busy all the time. He should text me first.’ This is the kind of attitude that ends up with no calls in forever. And shamefully I am a member of that attitude club.
Then again, there are tons of other reasons. A tiny fight went unresolved and instead of sorting it out, you just shrug and let it pass. After a year you regret not putting yourself out there and making amends. But now it’s too late, things would never be the same.
Different schedules, no time for each other, new friends, eventually months pass and you just give up on trying to meet. Life goes on and they are no longer a part of it. They soon become a fragment of past. Though this reason isn’t good enough to crush a healthy friendship it definitely kills a weaker one.
People like me, find it hard to trust anyone. And once that trust is broken, things just elevate downwards. You feel like you can no longer tell them anything, you can’t talk to them with the constant reminder that if they could broke your trust once then they can do it again. So instead of getting over that fear, you block that person from your life, however hard it maybe.
Sometimes the weird fact is you don’t even know the reason why you are no longer friends with the person you were once closet to. One day they simply stop texting, calling, having any sort of interaction with you and even though you want to know the reason, you are just too afraid to face it. After all, the most painful goodbyes are the ones that were never said or explained.
Things happened, we grew up, we had our own priorities, our own ambitions and amidst that we completely forgot about those people who helped you reach it and those you would want to share your happiness with.
But the hard truth is – Slowly as the years go on, you lose friends you never thought you could.
And to all the friends I lost, maybe we might never talk again, maybe we’ll just remain in each other’s contact lists, maybe after several years we’ll think back and smile at the crazy things we once did together but despite everything I want you to know that no matter what – I understood you then and I will understand you now. I may not have been there for you all the time but if and when you really need me, I will be there.
And when someone asks me if I knew you, I will smile proudly yet sadly and say ‘I used to.’
So thank you for being a part of my life, no matter how tiny part that was.
The one thing I learned over these years is, never hesitate to tell the people you value. So for all those friends- I lost, I had a fall out with, I stopped talking to, I am surprisingly still friends with and all of you guys – I value you, a lot. And I appreciate you putting up with my smarty and sassy ass.
No matter where you are, how you are, with whom you are, I’ll always be thankful to you for being a part of my life and I shall forever cherish those memories.
Thank you, you weirdos!